So today for whatever reason I wanted to try something new and exciting. After Zip Lining, Repelling off of Waterfalls, ATV’ing through the Jungle, and White Water Rafting in the scariest rapids in the world, I decided it was time that I try something new and get a manicure.
I heard about the Aveda Salon place about 2 months ago while downtown, some girl named Chelsea whom I met at Gino’s Pizza told me she was graduating from there so I thought I would give it a shot. After all for a sloppy drunk women who chews tobacco Chelsea seemed like she knew what she was talking about. So this morning I called to schedule an appointment at the Aveda Salon. I was really nervous when the lady secretary picked up the phone. She asked me what I needed and I kind of slipped and said I wanted to get my nails done which just sounded so gay. I thought she was judging me the whole time on the phone. I wanted to start off by having my finger nails cleaned up but I didn’t know if that’s a manicure or pedicure so I just told her I needed to get my fingers but it kind of came out on the phone like I wanted to get “fingered” which made me almost hang up the phone. At this point I felt like I was running really low on testosterone but I finally conveyed to her that I wanted my fingers cleaned up and she said that was a pedicure so I booked the pedicure at 5:15.
So I get to my appointment today at 5:15. It starts by me sitting in the waiting room and while sitting there I see them trying to sell all these strange useless skin care products that all look the same. There was one girl sitting next to me who was waiting for her friend to finish up her hair cut. She kind of looked like a goat with a little goatee that was kind of noticeable. I thought maybe that was a new fashion trend who knows but she told me she was an art student moved back from Georgia and that she just moved back to Orlando. The whole time she was talking to me I really needed to go to the bathroom and do a number 2 but I decided it would be a bad omen to unleash that type of fury inside of a salon so like a “good boy” I held it in. I kind of only started to talk to her so I could be distracted from having to go to the bathroom and get my mind off it.
I finally got called in for manicure thing after about 10 minutes by this sweetheart named Sussy. She was a Mormon and really down to earth and cool. She smelled like a watermelon scent and had just like this amazing smile and laugh. They’re was also a whole bunch of cute girls in her vicinity that just randomly came out and starting walking by for no particular reason once I sat down.
Once I sat down there was a blue towel on the table with a couple purple stains on it , which I thought was pretty cool looked like the work of hippies. On the blue towel was a tweaser like device and a water bowl for me to put my hands in. I took my hands out of my pocket immediately after sitting down and she just went to work. I was kind of turned on by her and I was nervous at the same time. In my head I was thinking should I show my attraction to her and flirt or just act gay like everyone else in the salon? What is the social norm here? I found out though she was a Mormon, which meant that I had to hold all my sexual analogies in and as much I wanted to pull my pants down, and send her on a mission I thankfully refrained.
We had an amazing conversation about Saturday morning cartoons. I told her that in a perfect world that I would turn into Captain Planet and fly away and destroy all the BP oil guys and she told me that her favorite cartoon character was Jessica Rabbit. After finishing tweezing my finger nails she then proceeded to massaging my hand and wrist. For a little girl I definitely underestimated her strength. I tried to hold in all pain but I forgot I checked in all my testosterone at the door so I had to tap out and say she was way to rough. I think she kind of got a kick out of squeezing my wrist. I had to move my chair closer to the table so that my boner would be 100% under the table and unnoticeable.
I pretty much said “Yes” to anything she told me in regards to what kind of treatment I should have for my nails since I was novice. I kind of felt like the 15-year-old 10th grader having sexual intercourse for the first time with the 32-year-old women math teacher. After finishing up the massage she again dipped my fingers in the water then asked if she could paint my nails pink. I said “yes” I mean why not I mean I have pink shirts. I always thought pink was a masculine color so I obliged. We went and picked out some nail polish I picked out some florescent pink cause I kind of remembered in third grade I had a box of florescent crayons and I always thought they were a lot cooler than regular crayons so the florescent pink made sense. I honestly did not think she was serious so I played around with it.
We got back to the nail table and I turned away just for a second for whatever reason and when I turned back around and all my finger nails on my right hand were pink. I almost had an anxiety attack yet she was like getting all excited and seeing her excited kind of made me excited so I kept playing around with and then had to move even more closer under the table. She after like 4 minutes finished up making both hands pink and then after she was done, she just randomly walked away so I am sitting at the table with pink nails all by myself. I didn’t know what to do my heart was racing and I was worried my penis going to disappear or something? I then turn around and like half the salon is there hot girls, fat girls, gay dudes I mean everyone and they are all laughing at me saying “aww”. Some were surprised and others were asking are you going to leave it like that? I played along with it; I kind of figured they do this to every guy who comes through kind of like hazing.
About 5 minutes later my manicure lady (Sussy) finally took the nail polish off and I felt like a man again. I finished up the session with these amazing looking nails even though she cracked like two of them cause she kept saying “my nails were so hard” I figured they would heel up.
After the session was done she asked me if I would be interested in a Pedicure with Todd. I didn’t know if she was serious but if she thought I would let some dude named Todd touch my nasty ass toenails she must have be mistaken. I really thought my manicurist would try to hit on me or something and I was kind of disappointed that she didn’t. After all a Mormon and a Jew is there a better mix? I walked out the salon just laughing it up and just tacked up another crazy day in the books.
