Past and Present

So I’m at the Waterford LA Fitness doing leg lunges with 55-pound dumb bells, which are just destroying my knees. I tend to take these really long breaks before workouts mainly because I am a lazy bum and also because I have this really bad of habit of daydreaming while at the gym.

If there is something I don’t understand about the human mind it is the reason why we only tend to have actual daydreams in certain places that we have spent significant portions of our life in and in my case that is the gym. I have been working for out for as long as I could remember and it has served as a breeding ground for all my lost thoughts, ideas and dreams.

Yesterday I just had this crazy flash back to when I was 15 years old and playing basketball at the Monmouth YMCA gym. Just to build a mental picture of me back then, I was this really chunky kid and I never bothered to tie my shoelaces and I only had one pair of white And 1 basketball shorts. I would always rely on my mom to wash these basketball shorts and she worked like 3 jobs so in essence my shorts rarely for washed. Personality wise, I was always so cocky. I thought I was this all-american basketball player and I was totally oblivious to what people thought of me. I just wanted to win at all costs and prove to people that I wasn’t fat and that I could make it in life and the only way to prove this was to win on the basketball court.

So in the daydream I’m on the court against a bunch of older kids, they were all seniors in high school and I remember guarding this one big dude with a goatee must have been about 6 foot 7 and I remember walking over to guard him and screaming out to everyone “I got him” and then he just starts laughing at me and proceeds to call me “hamburger” and calls for the ball. So he catches the ball and drives to the basket with his right hand and then crosses over and bam out of now where I strip him. I get really excited by this event and just start picturing all the amazing stuff happening in my life and then I have this set picture of the person I picture myself as and what I want to be when I get older.

Point of the matter is there are certain events in the past that define us as puny as they may sound. They define who we are and whom we expect to be in the future and it took my daydreaming at the gym to figure out that what I am doing in the grand scheme of things is not fulfilling my desires.

I just have this feeling deep down sometimes that I am in the ocean on the verge of drowning and there is a large tire for me to grab on to which represents “success” as defined by me and in a way I just keep drifting away from that tire. Only advice I could give to myself and for the readers of this blog is do whatever is possible to never drift far away from that tire because if you do then you will be lost.